Take note, or I will start doing this:

Older relatives and friends used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I began doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Okay, here's my dad's whoop-ass response:

This story is silly and ignorant. It is probably not true -- most such stories I've seen over the years turn out to be not true -- and if true in any respect, it is almost certainly so incomplete as to be totally misleading. Even if somebody in CA is preferentially hiring Spanish speaking teachers, it is mischievous and even evil to imply that doing so presents any threat to the primacy of English in the U.S. The entire world -- even the French -- is learning English because people know that fluency in English is essential to participate fully in the global economy and to stay abreast of critical intellectual and political developments. That being the case, I doubt that California is in much jeopardy.

It just makes good sense to have people around who speak the language of those you serve, whether you are a public entity, like a public school or agency, a private non-profit (e.g., a private school which, by the way, is NOT covered by affirmative action laws but may adopt such policies to reach its target population), or a professional or commercial enterprise (a law firm, a factory, a retail store). The last category are also exempt from most diversity rules (as distinct from laws requiring equal access) unless they receive public money or seek contracts from public entities. Even then, most such laws have been
over ruled by the courts in recent years, even in CA. Nobody makes Wal-Mart hire Spanish-speaking clerks, but they sure do it anywhere the serve large numbers of Spanish-speaking customers, including in rural central Virginia.

The US has experienced and benefited from waves of immigration so many times that it seems reasonable to expect we would not become hysterical every time it happens anew. In the early decades of the 20th century, New York City and many
other large cities voluntarily hired teachers and other public servants who could speak in the various languages of the European immigrants then flooding America -- Italian, Polish, German, Slovak, etc. They did it because it made sense -- nobody wins when a portion of the population is excluded from the economic and political processes of our society. And it worked -- the integration of these immigrants into American life is one of the great accomplishments of our country during the 20th century.

All these things were done long before we had any of the civil rights laws or affirmative action policies that were passed in the 1960s & 70s. It probably makes sense to note that these laws were passed to enforce the 14th Amendment that had been adopted more than 100 years earlier and largely ignored until the 1960s. Has any nation benefited as much as the US from the incredible patience of its disadvantaged minorities?

Bottom line, Ge0rge -- if you are responsible for circulating this stupid little fable, you should be ashamed. This kind of nonsense is an example of the tactics used a hundred years ago by those who were frightened by the Irish and Italian immigrants who are your children's ancestors.

Subject: English as our language

My uncle forwarded this onto the family. Actually, he gets his assistant to forward things to us. So I think she slipped this one past him. I was going to check out snopes to respond, but my father, in his retirement, has time to whoop some ass, and he did. What drives me nuts about crap like this is that it's so racist I can't sit still.

Subject: IMPORTANT

Our granddaughter in California was turned down for a teaching job, because she only had one yr. of Spanish. She got a job at a private school. She now teaches in Rancho Cucamonga, second grade.

Had an interesting conversation with a lady of Hispanic origin last week. She told me that she planned to come down to St. Mary's and get a job in Admissions (where I work). When I pointed out that we didn't have any openings, she advised me that "soon" current employees will have to be fired to hire bi-lingual employees. According to this lady, the Spanish-speaking people of the U S are going to demand that all public facilities like hospitals, courthouses, etc. - be staffed by people who
read, speak and comprehend Spanish.

We hear about the silent majority, but I think we are going to have to speak up or find ourselves a conquered country. That would be an interesting historical note - greatest land in the world conquered by Mexico without ever firing a shot! Think about it. Petition to require citizenship to be eligible for social services in the United States. No amnesty and no free services for illegal immigrants.

I the undersigned below, agree that we need to keep English as our primary language and those who live in our country need to learn ENGLISH, not make the US citizens conform to Spanish.

Instructions to sign are at the bottom.

PETITION FOR PRES. BUSH,

Gov. Schwarzenegger and

Congressman Dana Rohrbacher

And following these probably very fake "signatures" is a list of people, some of whom are probably very real. Mull over how shitty this is, then I'll post my dad's response.

Ear infection!

Woo-hoo. Brought on by allergies. So, no Star Trek or X-Files organism living in my head. Or if there is, the doctor is in on the conspiracy.

Dizzy blonde

The dizzy spells are back. Last year when I got this, it was an ear infection, and I think it's pretty much the same thing. When I lie (lay, lying, hung, hang, whatever) down and turn my head right, it's quite an astounding amount of vertigo. But if I turn my head left, nothing. But it's getting worse, because sudden standing then walking isn't possible.

Everyone already thinks I'm a ditz, falling into cubicles walls isn't making it better.

The office jerk is making my life hell. The work husband and I were bitching about this "co-worker" which he really isn't because he won't work with anyone. He apparently complained to the metr0 edit0r that my boss and I run our department like a kingdom. To his credit, the edit0r pointed out that it was our department to run, and he couldn't barge in.

Oh, I'm livid.

He's tries going around me at least three times a day and luckily, everyone is bringing him back to square one. Fortunately, those I supervise have been politely telling him to suck it. Because of this, (and many, many other things) the work husband I were discussing brushing up our resumes. He lamented that so many of the people he's enjoyed working with have left.

Of course, those we want to leave, hell, even leave us alone at work NEVER DO.

Homo Mary, full of snark

I went to (asst. sports editor's) visitation and caught the end of the memorial service.

"Oh? How was that?" asked Ph!l.

Lots of funny stories about (sports guy). But I was standing there in the hallway lined with people and at the end of the service, the priest got up for some religon. And standing there during the call and response, I decided something.

"Okay..."

If I should, God forbid, die sooner, or even later...

"Which won't happen because YOU, WILL, LIVE FOREVER!!!"

Well, that's true.

"Indeed, oh red horned one."

Yes, well, instead of the response being 'and also with you' or 'Lord hear our prayer', I want 'I'm just saying.'

(Choking noise on a beverage.)
"You are so wholly inappropriate with your religion."

Well, I like the ritual, I'm not fond of the content.

"For all the women who like men who like men...I'm just sayin'. For all the men who like men who like women..."

I'm just sayin'...

Blindsided

When the phone rings too early or too late, it's never a good sign. Someone's in trouble, needs to be bailed out of jail or a house blew up.

At 9:30 a.m. on Labor Day, the phone rang. The ring itself sounded sullen. "This can't be good," I uttered to Bird Nerd. "How do you know?" he asked. "Because no one calls this early."

The asst. sports editor where I work had collapsed the night before, was rushed to the hospital and died. He was 45. We don't know why yet, but he was having trouble breathing and had been (I kid you not) treated for hiccups that wouldn't end that was a symptom of circulatory problems. We teased him about filling that prescription. "What, holding your breath isn't good enough for you?" He was a local guy, born, bred and educated here. A good guy, supplied the newsroom with chocolate and the occassional tart comment.

His daughter called the sports editor to ask that his cubicle not be touched until she could bring her grandfather into work to see it. He had never seen where his son worked.